Relationship 101 . . .

I'm going through this interesting phase right now, where I'm still head over heels in love with the wrong person. The wrong person for me - we're all the wrong person, it's just a matter of finding flaws that mesh. But still head over heels, and trying to get the friendship back. Not going too well, judging by this morning's e-mail, but I'm stubborn.

So, having established that I know zero about retaining a relationship, I know lots about how to lose one. 

Here's what not to do (and few of these are aimed at you, dearling)

Don't be stalky

If the guy, gal or goat you are interested in indicates disinterest, step away. Do not share sexual comments with them (this may be okay with the goat), do not tell/allow them who they may be with instead, simply step away. It's much more classy.

Do not treat them as less than friends

Seriously? Let's just be friends? 

Friends give each other much more leeway and tolerance than significant others often do. 

I'm not sure about the rest of you, but I don't want to commit to somebody who isn't my friend.

Do not, I repeat NOT, give their fecking pets away

Okay, accepted, I'm not the best gal in the world at staying around to water and feed. 

BUT, do not give the pet away without consulting me. Just don't.

The first engagement did this and, in justification, said he had tried to call me. He probably did - I was in a Korean hospital recovering from a subdural hematoma and surgery and did not have my phone or mind. When I regained both, I was pissed.

As were the best friend couple who owned the brother of the Sukhi cat, and the father of the best friend whose cat had birthed Sukhi. Any of them would have happily taken her. Instead, she was given to a friend of the new girlfriend (yep, apparently he tried to call me about that also) and none of us had visiting rights.

I'm not going to talk about the pup or the next cat, but it shows how much you consider my opinion if you don't consult me (did I mention I view engagements and not-quite-engagements as testing periods?).

Do not be mean

 There's enough of that in the world. It's not what anyone needs to come home for.

Do not expect the significant other to complete you

If you can't manage that yourself, you're kinda lost.

- more to come, have to go collect the visa, lunch, ship stuff, dinner . . . 

Future Adventures, Part III . . .

Having had enough cynicism and political debate this morning over the Snowden/Manning betrayals and the lack of privacy we opt into when we share everything about ourselves on social networks, it's time for a little more wide-eyed anticipation of the wonders that await in my older, more experienced kingdom . . .

16: Hiking Jiangxi

China has some serious hiking trails, with spectacular scenery and lots to see. I'm thinking lots of mini-trips to such spots may be the perfect complement to the hubble/bubble of Beijing. Matt and Delores - this is just west of Shanghai - want to go see the Taoist spires of Sanqing Shan?

And yes, it's another UNESCO World Heritage site . . .

17: Yuangyang Rice Terraces, Yunan

WOW! Google this for images - it is spectacular!

I may have to buy a real camera but I'm always conflicted about that. If I have visual pictures, I may not paint word pictures. For this landscape, it might be worth it.

18: Li River Scenery, Guangxi

Oh. My. Buddha. The images for this are equally stunning, in a different way. Stunning karst mountain backdrops to scenes of rural domesticity - water buffalo, farmers, fishermen.

The point and shoot may not do this justice, though I do have a few photographer friends who want to visit. I may just have to schedule trips accordingly.

19: The Great Buddha, Leshan, Sichuan

Another UNESCO World Heritage site, but one I may choose to skip. It's impressive for many, many reasons, but a little dour for my taste.

I prefer my Buddha to be happy . . .

20: Taichi

I will definitely watch and photograph this martial art form, but want to return to one I practiced while in Sydney many years ago, with the most charismatic Chinese master one could imagine (who looked a little similar to the buddha above - old, with a bit of a belly and an easy smile. I've also seen him take down a group of young Kung Fu students without seeming to even move, just a gentle sway, an acceptance of their attack and a tap to render them immobile.

Qigong, or Chi Kung, is similar to taichi but adds the focus on moving the qi/chi around the body and is used primarily as a healing art. Every move is also a block or attack if speeded up, and China is teh perfect place to start learning this again.

Martial, medical and spiritual - sounds like a perfect balance to me.





 

Too much awesome . . .

I (kinda) apologize if the blog has bored you of late, but I'm excited, a little daunted and also a little scared about the next step in the adventure, so I'm overplanning what I may or may not do.

I'm also a little pissed off . . .

I'm tired of people, particularly American people, telling me all the reasons I should NOT go to China.

Mostly, they are people who know nothing more of the world than what they watch on FOX or read on their facebook feeds.

Heads up, America, China owns most of your foreign debt. Mainly because you ("the people") wanted to own more than you needed and pay less than you needed. It's okay, China is unlikely to call that debt in, because it knows you can't pay and a bankrupt America is no more what China wants than a failed-state North Korea. But, really . .. .

As for the other main reasons - the pollution and the state control . . .

China knows it has a problem with pollution. It does care and it is trying. It's a huge problem, and they know it. And are doing everything possible to fix it. Phasing out charcoal in favor of gas, bringing in electric vehicles rather than petrol.

I'm not quite sure the country that gave us the Exxon Valdez and the Gulf spill have the right to lecture.

State control/censorship?

Yes, I know. Because that was part of the negotiation/interviews for the job. I've been working elsewhere lately where they are not so open about the fact.

Then we go back to America - FOX, CNN. MSNBC - do you really believe what they're telling you?

And how is your current (and former) administration going with that personal privacy thing?

Maybe you should travel a little more - may I recommend China . . .

Future adventures, Part II . . .

Today's going to be a busy day so I'm up and about early to fit in all I need to do. I had breakfast about 0530 (on the balcony of my friend's penthouse apartment - I am thankful for the wonderful friends I have) and want to work out, shower, do laundry, sort and repack clothing (I need to ship another box), write this post (I'll fit it between other things this morning) and eat an early lunch before a busy afternoon.

I'll start by visiting with a wonderful coffee shop owner I met Monday while trying to find the medical clinic I needed to get to for my tests, and who went out of her way to help me. When she called the clinic, they told her I needed to get there in five minutes before they closed for lunch so I had to leave immediately, but I returned after being poked, prodded, x-rayed and blood-let to thank her and we had a long chat. She traveled a lot when younger, she told me (she's younger than me, of course, but now married and running a business), and many people helped her so she tries to help others in return. I love that spirit of passing good things on.

Then back to the clinic to collect my results. Assuming I'm cleared (and I passed a much more extensive round of tests late last year), I'll then drop all my documents at the travel agent in order to get my working visa for China. Then I'll arrange to have my phone unlocked, pick up a packing box from the Post Office, drop that back at the penthouse and get ready for a Girl's Night Rooftop Party at Jen's apartment in Gunja.

For now, on to the Lonely Planet guide's 11-20 "Top Experiences" in China, and whether they make my list:

11: Kashgar's Sunday Market, Xinjiang

LP recommends the Sunday Livestock Bazaar in Kashgar, where Uighur farmers trade sheep, camels, horses, donkeys and cows, saying, "It's dusty, smelly, crowded, disorientating and wonderful all at once." I suspect I'm going to get plenty of that feeling in Beijing and doubt I'll travel to China's western frontier, officially the Xinjiang Uyghur Autonomous Region just to see that.

Although, researching outside of LP makes me realize it must be a fascinating region, as it shares borders with Mongolia, Russia, a number of stans (Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, Afghanistan), Kashmir, Tibet, Qinghai and Gansu.

Not surprisingly, there's a fair bit of unrest in the region and the Kiwi may let discretion be the better part of valor and skip this one, at least if traveling alone. I'm sure I'll find plenty of adventure during my travels without seeking out danger deliberately.

Having written that, I realize I may have another reason to want to visit Kashgar, but that is LP's No. 25, so will have to wait for another blog post.

12: Huangshan and Hui Villages, Anhui

According to Unesco, which has it on its World Heritage List, Mt. Huangshan is known as the "loveliest mountain in China" and has been acclaimed in art and literature throughout history. It is shrouded in mist and light rain more than 200 days a year, but that has its own beauty in the photos I've been viewing. If it has inspired painters, poets and writers for millennia, I may have to seek spiritual renewal there myself.

The nearby Hui villages feature well-preserved residences and ancestral halls in a distinctive architectural style. The bridge at the entrance to the village of Hongcun, another Unesco World Heritage site, featured in Ang Lee's "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon," one of many Chinese-flavored movies I need to rewatch.

13: Diaolou in Kaiping, Guangdong

Another World Heritage site!

These look surreal - multi-storied defensive residences, communal towers and watch towers built in an eclectic mix of European and Chinese architectural styles scattered across farmland.

The fortified buildings were a response firstly to raiding bandits, then later to protect residents from Japanese troops. Many were built by returning emigres who had gone to work in the United States, Canada and Australia and returned home after amassing their fortunes.

I expect there are a lot of stories to be written there, even though many of the residents have again moved away.

NB: I'm doing much more additional research today, so will end this blog post at No. 15, simply so I can get on with the rest of my day.

15: Cycling Hainan

LP recommends cycling China's tropical island and it does seem a wonderful way to relax from the hustle and bustle I know is Beijing. This one is a definite maybe, though I may prefer to spend a few quiet days outside of China, in neighboring Thailand, Laos or Vietnam.

Time to get moving - more to come tomorrow . . .

Future adventures, Part I . . .

Now I'm no longer working and have done most of my packing, I have time to peruse the enormous Lonely Planet guide to China (1,054 pages) and am planning places I really want to see while in the Middle Kingdom. Lonely Planet has a "30 Top Experiences" list, most of which I agree look amazing. The first 10  follow, with my own comments, rather than LP's:

1. The Great Wall

Of course the Great Wall is a must-do in China and, even though I've been there before, I know i'll accompany friends when they come to visit (bring good walking shoes, guests). I'll probably link it with a return visit to the Ming Tombs, but will be careful to avoid the tours that take you briefly to such places of interest but spend most of their time at giant warehouses where you're pressured to buy "at cheapest rates."

I have no trouble bypassing the vendors at the Wall itself, I'm an old hand at that.

2. French Concession, Shanghai

I haven't been to Shanghai before but am eager to go. I have friends (a fellow journalist and his lovely wife) who live in the French Concession so look forward to having the inside scoop on where not to miss. Another Chinese friend and former colleague here, who is an expert on North Korea, is now lecturing at a university in Shanghai so I'll get to visit with him and his family also.

It's only an hour and a half flight from Beijing, so easy to get to.

3. The Forbidden City, Beijing

I'm sure I'll be a regular visitor here, as well as at Tiananmen Square opposite. I especially like Tiananmen on weekends, when it's filled with family groups flying kites. (Note to self: Get another fighting kite?)

There's also a fabulous rooftop garden opposite with great views of the Forbidden City that is a perfect place to enjoy a cool beverage while watching the sun set over the city.

4: Tiger Leaping Gorge, Yunnan

This looks stunning but will probably be left until about this time next year, if I can find the time even then. Where I'd like to go even more is nearby Zhongdian, now known as Shangri-la. It was renamed after James Hilton's Shangri-la in "The Lost Horizon," rather than being the inspiration for it, but is home to the Ganden Sumtseling Gompa - a 300-year-old Tibetan Monastery considered the most important in southwest China.

As a fan of "The Lost Horizon" and its wise monks ("Everything in moderation, including moderation"), I will try hard to make it here.

5: Yangzi River Cruise

For me this is a would-like-to-do, rather than a must-do, simply because of the time involved. As much as I'd love to experience the Three Gorges on a relaxing river cruise, a four to five day tour may not fit into my itinerary or schedule.

I'm saving a chunk of time instead to travel the Trans-Mongolian Railway with a group of friends, during which we'll spend five days taking the train from Beijing, across China and up through Mongolia to Moscow. One of those friends also wants to do the train trip to Tibet, which tempts me also, but I'd even more like to take the train to Pyongyang if I can get a visa.

6: Terracotta Warriors, Xi'an

Another perhaps only, as I'd love to see them but only if I have time with all the other things I want to see more.

7: Hiking Dragons Backbone Rice Terraces, Guangxi

These I want to see, walk and photograph as these terraced rice paddies rise to 100 meters high and are spectacular. Guangxi also borders Vietnam so I'll try to time this to take a few days there also.

8: China's Cuisine

Obviously, this is a definite for me while living in China. There are many things the Chinese eat that I'll politely decline (yes, I'm a wimp when it comes to food, or at least very fussy), but I look forward to exploring teh wide range of cuisine's across the country.

I also plan to continue to prepare many of my own meals, and look forward to learning new ingredients and recipes.

9: Fenghuang, Hunan

Lonely Planet describes this as, "Houses perched on stilts, ancestral halls, crumbling temples and gate towers set amidst a warren of back alleys . . . " and shows the town set on the banks of the Tuo River. Another town I will try to find time to visit.

10: Changbai Shan, Jilin

This is China's largest nature reserve, with the centerpiece being the Heaven Lake, a vast body of water in a volcanic crater that straddles the border with North Korea. Known as Mt. Paekdu to Koreans, this area is revered by them and the Chinese and is the claimed birthplace of Kim Jong-il.

As said above, I hope to be able to visit North Korea during my time in China - if that isn't possible I'll just have to look across from the Chinese side, as I have from the South Korean side.

The next 10 recommended experiences will be in my next blog post . . .

Reuniting Good Neighbors . . .

Yesterday I got the chance to attend an event I helped put in motion almost a year ago, and one I was happy to see occur before I depart Korea again.

At that time, one of my senior editors at Yonhap News Agency invited me to dinner and I suggested we go to a restaurant I enjoy on Yongsan Garrison - home of United States Forces Korea. After I signed him in, he turned to me with a look of delight and told me he served there 30 years earlier as a KATUSA (Korean Augmentation to the U.S. Army). He was excited to be back and as we walked to the restaurant, we passed the dental clinic where he served.

Over the next week, he spoke with some of his KATUSA alumni, and they asked whether it would be possible to visit the Post, tour their old place of work and meet the current staff and KATUSAs. It seemed to be exactly what the Good Neighbor program exists to do, so I contacted the personnel who run the program to see what could be done.

Phone calls were made, e-mails sent and the waiting began. And stretched, with the alumni becoming impatient and me trying to explain that big bureaucracies move slowly, and it doesn't come much bigger than the Army. I went off traveling, but checked in occasionally to see if there'd be any action and continued to ask for updates from my USFK contacts.

Who, it was eventually discovered, had been given an outdated point of contact for the Dental Clinic. As soon as that was discovered and an e-mail sent to the correct person, things started happening very quickly. My editor friend had a meeting with the officers who run the clinic, and a ceremony and dinner were planned for yesterday. I was informed and asked if I could attend.

The former KATUSAs, all of whom are now in positions of power in South Korea and who include a professor, a banker and prosperous businessman, were excited to be back on base and proud to be honored by the Dental Command. One was accompanied by his son, a 19-year-old university student who has yet to begin his mandatory military service, but who now knows where he wants to do it.

The officers and NCOs of the command were proud to host what they think is the first such visit by former KATUSAs, as they have no official organization, and answer questions on the changes over the past 30 years.

As for the young KATUSAs, they got a glimpse of their potential futures and realized the importance of maintaining the friendships they make at the outset of their adult lives. I sat at dinner with the son and two KATUSAs who told me they had the worst English of the entire group, but we were soon conversing easily, with much laughter.

I made new friends, including an officer who was promoted that day and has family living in Beijing - my next home - and the alumni of my editor friend. I was happy to see the plan come to fruition and to learn it will continue to flourish after I depart, as the older Koreans intend to form an organization to mentor and assist their descendants, and to stay in touch with their U.S. counterparts.

Mission accomplished . . .

Former KATUSAs from the 10th Med visit the 618th Dental Company.
Photo by Chuck Yang

Receiving a coin from 618th Dental Co. commander, COL David Mott.
Photo by Chuck Yang

Love and loss . . .

I went to a ball game yesterday with some incredible friends, hung out with a fabulous Russian friend at VFW, then found my way home. Great memories, many stories to be written, pictures already on facebook.

Woke this morning, soon heading to see my dear friend who probably won't be here when I next touch down (although I pray he will be) and realized I'm grieving my lost love and not living my life. I've been posting pictures of me having fun, rather than having fun.

And I am grieving. I thought he was my future, and was willing to become a tame(-ish) Kiwicat to be beside him.

BUT

It is what it is.

I love him, I wish him all the happiness, success and joy the world can offer, but it's time for me to continue to find my happiness, success and joy.

Maybe, like Alice (an in-joke for a very small circle of friends), I'll find another Eddy . . .